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It made me feel that I was more likely to find someone with whom I actually connected—not just another pretty face.I uploaded pictures and filled out my profile with basic demographic information—height, body type, religion, and education.

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It can take many exchanges to get to a real live date.

My filter settings are pretty generous—if you have a compatibility rating of higher than 70 percent, are of at least “average” attractiveness, and send more than a three-word message—“Hey” and “Yo girl” are not acceptable—your message will make it to me.

(Filters are common—especially for women, who often receive a high number of lewd or casual messages from spam profiles, and generic messages from men who send the same note to a swath of profiles.) Of the 708 messages I received over the next fourteen months, 530 ended up in the filtered inbox, which left me with about one message of decent-or-above quality a day.

Even when you decide to answer, many users will not respond, having lost interest or been tempted by one of the site’s many other profiles.

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Some people disappear after a few exchanges—sometimes even after you’ve made plans to meet.Among my single friends, and even in the conversations I overheard between strangers in coffee shops, women using dating sites described being “overwhelmed” and “flooded” with communication.

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